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Ethical Internet Dating Dos and Don'ts

By James Bradshaw

Co-director of Natural Friends, Britain’s very first specialist dating and friendship service for single people with your values.

On the flagship Radio 4 morning programme, ‘Today’, they asked what listeners would add to the school curriculum that was not already there. Many listeners suggested social behaviour, manners and eating behaviour.

I know we live in an era of sexual equality, but I still find myself automatically opening doors for women who may be accompanying me. As I don’t wear a hat I find it hard to doff this item of apparel. In any case, I think the latter action serves no useful function anyway. What about standing up if a woman walks into the room? It depends on the situation, I suppose.

We are talking about good manners. In its simplest form this is any behaviour which puts others at ease and which avoids them feeling uncomfortable. Over the years the rules have changed, of course, but the principle still applies. Behaving in a way that shows disrespect to other people or which makes them feel embarrassed or uncomfortable is conventionally regarded as being bad manners.

How does the concept of good manners apply to Natural Friends?

Let’s start at the very beginning, to quote the Julie Andrews song. We repeat this statement over and over again, yet many members still fail to ‘respond to other members’ messages’. In a proportion of cases this is due to the inability of Trial members to reply till they have converted to Full membership. However, in other instances there seems to be no appreciation of the fact that it is simple courtesy to reply.

On the subject of membership, it might be considered bad manners to ‘park’ a profile on the site and remain a dormant member for three months while expecting the ‘perfect’ message to arrive.

Anyone using our site or any other similar site should be observing basic personal security such as never giving out phone numbers or private email addresses. Good web etiquette suggests that you should never expect such information to be forthcoming until both parties are comfortable.

When you reach the stage when a meeting takes place there are any number of pitfalls to avoid. Who pays? What happens at the end of the date? Where do you meet?

We have been told about people who have turned up on dates looking as if they had not bothered to look their best - unwashed hair, unshaven, dirty or stained clothing and so on. You owe it to your new friend to ensure that you do not embarrass them by your appearance.

At this point I think I will hand over to the Newsletter readership. Let us know of any courtesy howlers that you have come across. There is no need to mention names. We would not do so anyway. Send your submissions to info@natural-friends.co.uk  with the subject heading ‘Natural Friends newsletter - Manners’ and we will include selections in forthcoming editions . At the foot of our Home Page you will find the menu item where you can register to receive the Free Natural Friends Newsletter. We guarantee not to pass on your email address to other businesses or organisations.

You can check out our members’ profiles free of charge by clicking Natural Friends  Your happiness is our business. Over 40,000 satisfied members since 1985 is a track record of which we are justly proud.

©2008 Natural Friends (Culford) Ltd.